Old Post - 27th April

Right,
I've got somethings to put right even if I dont want to, desire to or need to. But you see if I don't a chunk of history will be missing from you. Now that wont do any of us good. So... I'm not moving to australia. I wont go into it. Just dont ask me to.
Two, I'm planning to do a challenge. Songs of May so to say. I will for every day in may, tell a story or write a poem. Well to be truthful be very creative. I know I will probably fail, so no need to give me that look but it worth a try.
Three, I seemed to be quite lonely in my journal. No one comments and no one friends. Oh well this is as much for me as it is for you.

Here's a poem for you because I'm already regretting the challenge (mind you can I add that it doesn't mean that I'll post every day! I may write every day and post all of them once a week!)

Dark stream mixed with sorrow runs far bellow,
My heart keeps beating, not that it shows.
Its hard to remember but memories flow,
If it will happen, no-one will know.

Why don't I jump,
In waters so sweet?
Why don't I fly,
To waters so deep?
Why don't I die,
Just to forget?
Why should I live,
Just to regret?

My soul has died so long ago,
And yet I'll live at the moment I go.
I will remember and honor the past.
I'll say good bye and all shall pass.

Well my work for the day seems to be done,
Пока!

Old post - 20 March

It finally hit home. Like someone poured salt all over my wounds. What does it say about a person if the emotions only hit a day after? I don’t know, for me is that I depend on logic to survive.

I’ll keep this post private for a while, simply because I would like to prolong the moment. To imagine that yes, indeed nothing has happened and everything is like it was before. I only felt this type of despair once before, when my uncle died. It’s the despair that grips your soul and wrenches your heart, but it’s the knowledge that finishes you off. You can’t do anything about what happened, or you won’t because it’s for the best but it still hurts.

I also don’t want the people who I know to get hurt until it’s invertible. Yes they won’t thank me for it, but I would like to treasure every moment I have left with them without any mentioning of what’s going to happen. If they ask I won’t lie, that will feel like betrayal to my heart and that will hurt them more when they find out.

If you didn’t know or never thought of it this way: emotional pain hurts much more than physical. However not to get hurt in that way, you need not to get close to anyone and that will hurt you even more. Trust me, this comes from a person who nearly worships solitude, I’ll have company any day. Simply because good company is worth a few sacrifices. I once wrote in my diary “Practice makes perfect, life makes it bearable.”

If everything was perfect we simply would kill each other off. It’s true. Think about it, if anyone is perfect they would have a perfectly fine understanding of how good they are. That will lead to arrogance and from there it will be a free rein for arguments to who is best. Just follow the logic thought from there (I won’t have to spoon – feed it to you will I?)

Yes I’m bitter, because there is finally a reason to use you properly. I didn’t create you get my preaches to the masses. I created you as a way of communication. If I ever move out of the country my friends will always be able to contact me. And now it seems to be there will be a reason for them to use you in such way.

Currently I reside in my bedroom in England, a year from now there is a 90% chance I’ll be residing in our new house in Australia.

Nothing more to add for now. Just the fact that I’ll be writing much more in you very soon.

Adiós